Tangled Fishing Line

Life is so messy.

Like, SO messy.

Sometimes I remember how I used to look at things in black and white, right and wrong, good and bad; it was simple.

But life is like tangled fishing line- it's not that simple to unwind. 

Sure, you can take out some scissors and cut off the knot, move on- but what does that do? 

I think humans have a hard time learning that.

I think that's also why we are counseled not to judge others; hardly anything is cut and dry.

I'm relearning that this week.

I won't go into all the details but I know I'm in this life to learn and I am learning a lot.

Part of that is from mistakes but I'm glad I'm not ashamed of my mistakes and I don't duck out and hide anymore.

I learn.

And I try and do better.

And I hope for the change.

One of the learning experiences I've been having lately has obviously been about homeschooling. 

Well, the other school called back.

They have an opening.

*Dilemma*

Do I send my munchkin?

Or do I homeschool?

What experiences do I allow for?

First off: we are going to observe for the day. I met the teacher several months ago and am in no way skeptical about their abilities as a teacher. But we are traumatized from our last experience so we will be watching to settle our nerves.

Second: homeschooling has given my relationship with my kids new life. 

Oh, it was a PAIN to go through and INSANELY STRESSFUL. But it forced me to listen more. To see where they are at, to re-connect. I can't express how grateful I am that this happened in such a short amount of time. I am more confident in our relationship and in my part as a mom. It's a huge relief. And I know that I CAN homeschool if needed.

Third: the biggest issue teachers have with parents is lack of involvement. If my kiddos go to school why should I discontinue their homeschooling, too?

Homeschooling is what helped our relationship so much- it's time together plus further learning. I would be an idiot to stop doing that just because someone else is teaching my kids. 

It's going to be tempting to stop...oh yes. 

SUPER tempting. 

But that blasted lazy bug likes to bite in the butt, HARD. 

And I need to remember that.  

Maybe this is what I needed to learn. 

This lesson was a nightmare. 

It rocked me to the core...but I guess a lot needed to change, so I needed to be rocked.

And I'm glad that I've come out with an understanding.

The next few days will determine what the school outcome will be, but at least I have a much better understanding in this aspect of our family. 

I am still an advocate for homeschooling. 

100%

What that means for you and your child and your present situation is up to you and no one else. 

Does this mean I won't strictly homeschool in the future? No.

Does this mean all my kids are bound for public schools, charter schools, or private schools out of my home? No.

This just means that for right now I am learning and I am finding what works right now in this moment simultaneously for me, my kids, my family, and our current life situation.

Don't forget- things constantly change.

I'm trying to remember that.

I hope for the chance to live a long life- I have much learning left to do. 

Disaster Struck...For The Better

Things have been interesting.

We've been working out the kinks in our daily schedule that I posted previously- I'm learning that there is no way in crazyville my kid is going to sit through activity after activity in the afternoon. Currently the crazy one is passed out on the couch, just to prove my point.

So we start either right before breakfast or right after, depending if I'm making something or the hubs is, and we lump two activities together (usually letter tracing and writing and a church story).

This past week we've been doing The Creation in Genisis. It's going pretty well. 

Well, let me back up. 

I was crazy mom. 

And my expectations were TOO high.

And then Friday morning I got hit with the MEANEST food poisoning ever. I have never been that sick in my life. 

EVER.

But it FORCED ME to lay around all day (or rather, on the floor all day) and just take care of the minimal things and my oldest had to help out quite a bit. 

No school.

No chores.

Nada.

Since then I have been more patient, more soft spoken, more temperate, more compassionate, and just a better mom.

Not that I'm amazing but I was sucking before. 

Seriously. 

So any progress is progress, right?

The kiddos have felt the shift and are surprisingly responding rather quickly. 

There's no more shouting.

No more excessive aggressiveness.

My word is LAW (again). <----So nice to have that one back.

It's fantastic!!

But today is Monday...so I hope I can keep it going through the week.

Today is also one of my kid's birthdays! It's so exciting!

We took lunch to the hubs at work today and ate with him. I have to work tonight though so he gets to watch 'Finding Nemo' with some friends.

And we're having a party this weekend. 

I haven't planned a thing.

But my kid and I have a better relationship.

So I dont' care about a 'party'.

There's love in our home again finally and that's what really matters...so yes, Saturday will be a sideshow of crazy but whatever- that's what memories are made of!

Also...

Since the food poisoning I finally man-upped and decided it was past time to get back to our old, healthier lifestyle of eating.

We usually eat a 'plant-strong' diet but got away from that with the insanity of everything over the last year and a half.

I went to the bookstore on Saturday and picked up a few books that have recently just been released by some of my favorite people that are the trail-blazers for a healthy and more pain free life. 

Here's Rip 

and here's Dr. Fuhrman

Today is day one. 

In a week I'm looking forward to added energy and no swelling in my hands/knees/toes when I wake in the morning.

Also no achy joints (especially my hands, seriously?!) or bloated heaviness in my stomach. 

I also can't stand how it takes a good 5-10 minutes upon waking to gain full strength in my hand grip. It's redculous. 

I'm so glad I am finally gearing up!

Triathlon training will commence after this week- I still have to recover from the food poisoning. Hopefully I'll have more energy for that?

Parent's Worst Enemy? Expected Perfection

Well today wasn't so hot.

I tried to sleep in and for go the exercise but I had a nightmare this morning about an evening commitment I had for tonight and I was up at 6:30 AM. 

And I was STRESSED the whole rest of the day.

That's much like how I grew up. Anytime anything ever came up my mom would FREAK because of the stress. It was really hard. I understand it now. And I don't hold it against her. But I don't want to repeat that. I don't want to be that mom.

My biggest enemy I realized today is my ridiculous expectations.

R-I-D-I-C-U-L-O-U-S

I ride my kid about everything.

They can't be fast enough, they can't get this right, they can't do that right, can't they just sit there and listen? 

I think that's the biggest thing that's killing me with the homeschooling. I'm terrified I'm going to ruin them by homeschooling them. That they're going to fall behind because of my failure; because I can't keep up.

Truth is...I am ruining them. Not because I can't teach them how to write a 'Z' but because I'm not nurturing them. Everything they do is wrong. 

I need to CHILL.

And bbbbbbrrrrreeeaaatttttthhhhee.

Stable kids make smart kids- the leaders. 

Not the other way around. 

I have a lot of work to do on myself. 

But this blog helps. I'm so glad I have it.

On to tomorrow for it's a new day and I have another chance to do better.

As a side note, I went to this site and printed lots of Halloween themed work out which my kid could NOT get enough of 

(and of course, I was upset that he went through a weeks worth of work in one morning. Yeah I need to get a grip LOL).

Enjoy the Autumn weather!

Oh What's A Girl To Do...HOMESCHOOL.

Don't you love when you hit a transition in life? Don't you love even more when you find you are searching for the stability you used to have before the transition occurred and you are coming up short handed and slightly empty and unfulfilled?

That's how I've felt with so much of life recently. So much has happened in our last 18 months and it's been a dog fight to figure out what our "new normal" is. And I have been struggling with what to do to keep myself flourishing. Not as a 'mom' but as 'me'.

I started consulting for Mary Kay. I weighed the options for about two months; I NEVER wanted to own my own business. Two things about self-owned business scare me: 1) handling money and 2) computer programs and online transactions. 

TERRIFIED. 

But I'm doing it. And I'm doing all right.

However blogging about my path with building a business wasn't very fulfilling. 

(Obviously, considering I've only posted about it twice.)

I am also a freelance baker. I'm leaning towards not just gluten free but dairy free cakes AND fillings, possibly even 100% vegan...but eh. Not my passion.

What about my family's journey to becoming "healthy"? One meat meal a week, freezer meals, 80-90% fresh produce cooking...what's new?

I've also started training for a triathlon...which will end in five months once the event takes place. So not a long lasting topic and surely not worth reading much for the general public.

Amidst all of these things I've been doing I've been fighting myself with the freaked-outness of learning how to homeschool my child.

Say, what?

*Did she just say homeschool?*

Yeah, I totally did.

Let's get one thing straight: I never ever ever ever EVER thought I would homeschool my kids. Sure, when I was naive and unmarried I wanted to be super-cute-loving-perfect-Susie Homemaker, capable of making any dish, completing any domestic task, and all the while wearing pearls and high heels from sun up to sun down as I did house work with a full face of make-up and hair that never fell or diffused (thank you, June Cleaver).

Well, if you've read any of my entries you can deduce that I am not that girl. And if people think I have it together I always try to reassure them that I don't. It took a whole lot of work to get myself to where I am and it takes a whole lot more to stay there. 

Top this off with homeschooling...

My kid gets sick of me. Who wouldn't? Same person, day in, day out- I don't take offense. I get a little sick of them, too. It's life. So how in tarnation am I supposed to homeschool?!?!

I spent alllllllll summer long counting the days until my child started school. I was just holding on until September. 

And then the day came...

And we went to the first day...

And I met his teacher...

And I stayed in the class as required...

And I attended the parent/teacher meeting...

And he was pulled from the program the next morning.

He had been accepted into two programs and after pulling him from the one we chose I immediately phoned the other school completely desperate to get him back onto their roster. I was beside myself.

This whole time I kept thinking, "Why not homeschool him?"

It was like a Golom head conversation. 

"Just do it. You have a Child Development degree."

"But I can't!"

"You don't want to."

"Darn right I don't. And the money for the curriculum."

"There's stuff online."

"Ughh....printing....I hates it."

But every time I thought about him going to school I got a huge pit in my stomach. 

Needless to say we are going forward with the homeschooling. 

Thankfully I have found a friend who has three children, the oldest of which is being homeschooled. To break up our week, one day her children come spend time with us and another day mine go over to spend time with her. 

It's going ok. Slow progress on my part (I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING AND I'M TRYING TO NOT FIGHT EVERY SECOND OF IT) but I'm getting there. 

So here is my new direction. 

Homeschooling. 

Yikes.

Below is the schedule I've comprised for our family curriculum. 

My plan is to post my weekly plans in better detail so if anyone wants to get ideas they are there and ready.

Stay tuned to see how it goes.

Time	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday
5:00 AM	Exercise/Personal	Exercise/Personal	Exercise/Personal	Exercise/Personal	Exercise/Personal
7:00 AM	Breakfast	Breakfast	Grocery Shopping	Breakfast	Breakfast
7:30 AM	Church Story	Church Story		Church Story	Church Story
8:00 AM	Play	Play		Play	Play
9:00 AM	Snack	Snack	Church Story	Snack	Snack
9:30 AM	Errands	Errands	Writing/Numbers	Errands	Errands
11:00 AM	Lunch	Lunch	Lunch	Lunch	Lunch
12:00 PM	Baby Nap	Baby Nap	Baby Nap	Baby Nap	Baby Nap
12:30 PM	Story Time	Story Time	Story Time	Story Time	Story Time
1:00 PM	Writing/Numbers	Writing/Numbers	Library	Writing/Numbers	Writing/Numbers
1:30 PM	Cutting	Seasonal Learning	Cutting	Seasonal Learning	Cutting
2:00 PM	Letters	Math/Shapes	Letters	Math/Shapes	Letters
2:30 PM	Craft	Fine Motor/Music	Craft	Fine Motor/Music	Craft
3:00 PM	Park Play	Park Play	Park Play	Park Play	Park Play
4:00 PM	Free Play/Dinner prep	Free Play/Dinner Prep	Free Play/Dinner Prep	Free Play/Dinner Prep	Free Play/Dinner Prep
5:00 PM	Dinner	Dinner	Dinner	Dinner	Dinner
6:00 PM	Clean Up	Clean Up	Clean Up	Clean Up	Clean Up
6:30 PM	Bath Time	Bath time	FHE	Bath Time	Bath Time
7:00 PM	Prep for Bed	Prep for Bed	Bath Time	Prep for Bed	Prep for Bed
7:30 PM	Bedtime!!	Bedtime!	Bedtime!!	Bedtime!!	Bedtime!!
8:00 PM	Dishes	Dishes	Dishes	Dishes	Dishes
8:30 PM	Clean/Bed Prep	Clean/Bed Prep	Clean/Bed Pred	Clean/Bed Prep	SCHOOL PREP
9:00 PM	Scriptures/Prayer	Scriptures/Prayer	Scriptures/Prayer	Scriptures/Prayer	Scriptures/Prayer
9:30 PM	BED	BED	BED	BED	BED